It got worse when I went to college. My roommate approved of my addiction and posters and even helped me decorate our walls, but once I started frequenting the XXX theaters he started avoiding me altogether. It was too much for him but fine for me. When I wasn’t studying or playing ball I was at the “shows” until eventually my life and money were out of control. I soon flunked out of that college. I went home to have surgery on my throat which is another story.

It was during my recovery that I had some life threatening issues that got my attention. At this time I surrendered my life to Christ, met my future wife, got married, and re-enrolled in a different school all within a years time, but for all the right reasons. Life was good and normal again. I dismissed my dark past as a young and foolish chapter in my life and thought surely my future with this beautiful woman was going to be lust free. I was wrong.

My Christian marriage had its growing pains, but basically was lively and fulfilling. I thought my addiction troubles were over because I had a wonderful wife and a good sex life. I had gotten rid of my stash before my wedding, but the images of these women would not go away. With any imagination I could think on these in my head anytime or anywhere. Not so good. My secret stash of the past was now on microfilm in my head which would diminish my wife’s beauty by comparison . I read in a recovery book somewhere that “you’re as sick as you are secretive.”

I guess I was officially a sick man. It really started to scare me when I would get critical of the physical charms of my wife who 14 months earlier was perfect in my mind. She didn’t deserve fantasy competition. I hated the direction this was going as the years went by. When she gave birth to our first daughter I thought what if she grows up to marry a sick creep like me who only loves her for her temporarily attractive body and not for who she is? I needed help!

I tried confessing my sins to my wife (not a good idea), to my pastor, and my close friend. I tried memorizing Bible verses, fasting, reading, accountability groups, prayer, and any other discipline of the faith I could get my hands on. The more I tried, the worse it got. The more I “just said no” the worse it got (stupid advise by the way). I was in chains!

Now the good news is of all the self help advice out there, only two concepts or principles are truly liberating, but they only work together. Remember I’m still a Christian here. A weak, pathetic, enslaved, defeated Christian, but a Christian. These two concepts are the character of Christ and the dependance on the Holy Spirit. Yeah, I know I’ve heard these names before, but didn’t understand their existence or function. A pastor I trusted told me, “the Christian life is not you overcoming sin in your life, but Jesus overcoming you.” If this was true, I was in big trouble because my interest in Christ was far less than my interest in beautiful women, but over time and understanding His grace this started to change. You see the key to self-control is the value of what you are worshiping. Focusing on what you can’t have makes you want it more. Women’s bodies have to be replaced by something better, and the only thing that can fill that void is a personal understanding of who Christ is. Now the only way to embrace this is the second concept which is actually a scripture from Gal 5:16 which says “walk by the spirit and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh.” Jesus won’t overcome you without the Spirit, and the Spirit won’t let you walk in Him without Jesus. The two go hand in hand.

This goes for any addictive behavior, but I ‘m focusing in on my struggle with porn. We all worship something or someone. From my experience the Jesus/Holy Spirit combo is the only way to overcome – permanently – any addictive behavior because He (They) change the heart by a power called “grace.” Most Christians know this name only as unmerited favor, but it’s much more than that. No other religion can do this. Sure we can change our outward behavior and discipline ourselves, and try harder, but He can change and remodel your desires. The Spirit shows you the true character of Jesus who is not a mean and distant judge, but a forgiving, understanding friend who empowers you to want to please Him. When temptation comes, instead of saying no to it, you turn 180 degrees and say yes to Christ who automatically says no to temptation. He gives you the power to be sustained. You know you’re changing when you don’t feel cheated but delivered toward something better. He also can clean out the images and trash of yesteryear, but it does take time. If Jesus is just a stone cold rule maker to you, you won’t go to Him in times of temptation.

I’m in my 50′s now and temptation is still around every corner, but I now have the power to override thoughts and visuals . I don’t have to have them anymore. There is a big difference between not looking at a calender and grumbling because I can’t have it, and not needing to look. Yes I still have a flesh nature that wants to be fed with that stuff, but I don’t have to feed it. What it gives you is not worth what it takes from you. Christ gives you a life back – again it takes time . With this approach you will get worse before you get better. I hope this testimony helps you. I see and talk to many men enslaved to this stuff, but the saddest thing to hear is a solution that doesn’t work or hope in human effort.

Thanks for reading! Share your story or struggles with common men issues. Please keep it under 900 words.